when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
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You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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