apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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