i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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