This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize