Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize