We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
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I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
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We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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