So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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