last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
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Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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