the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
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i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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