I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize