Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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