Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize