I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
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sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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