glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
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so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
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My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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