im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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