apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize