Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize