i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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