isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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