I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
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My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
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Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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