If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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