I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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