I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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