ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Found the puke drawer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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