Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
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Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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