Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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