Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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