:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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