I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
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The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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