Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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