It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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