You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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