We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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