i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
