OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
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separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just want to make out with him forever
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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