she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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