Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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