Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize