Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize