need another drink. this is the easiest way
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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