if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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