I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize