oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize