Swine flu. Run for my life!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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