So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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