i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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