My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
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If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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