that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
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I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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