I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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