Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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