We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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