It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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