if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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